IN THE DRAFT: Singing season

Aug. 08, 2014 @ 05:00 AM

So you think you've heard it all? I am going to divulge another secret about myself. I like novelty music or songs. Songs like the "One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley or "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" by Allen Sherman. They are usually nonsensical or sarcastic songs about people or society. And that pretty well describes me.

One of the best novelty song writers is Weird Al Yankovic. He has written several and no one is immune from his satire. In fact his latest work, "Mandatory Fun," has reached number one on the charts so evidently I am not alone in my thoughts and I have decided to come up with a couple myself.

This first effort is dedicated to two drivers. One for hitting the wall several times lately with tire issues and the other for just riding around looking for somewhere to wreck.

This is sung to the tune of Britney Spears, "Oops! I Did It Again."

I think I did it again.

I wrecked my car and now it's just tin.

Oops! I did it again.

My tire went flat and I lost in this game.

It ain't my fault so what's in a name.

Yeah, poor Jimmie Johnson has really had a run of bad luck lately. Six times this year he has had tire issues and six times his team denies it is their fault. Maybe some of it isn't, but more than likely they are so close to the edge in playing with the camber on the front end that the tires can't stand the pressure.

As for Danica Patrick, she does nothing but ride around and if given enough time she will find a place to wreck. Yes she did have a tire issue at Pocono, but she could have avoided wrecking if she had slowed down and limped back to pit road but no, she tried to maintain her speed and ended up in the wall. Another lesson learned. How many lessons will she get?

This next one is sung by Iggy Azalea. What a name. I can't figure out if it's a duo or a single? Anyway it is sung to the tune of "Fancy."

I'm so popular. Listen to them roar.

I'm in victory lane, from Daytona to Pocono.

No doubt I'm talking about Dale Earnhardt Jr. No doubt he is the most popular and, because of his performance thus far, he should be considered a favorite to win that elusive championship this year.

I admit I have trouble watching a race he is winning and if he wins I do not watch the party in victory lane. It is a personal thing and I can't help it. I guess I just get tired of seeing his face all over the television as I'm watching a race thus I don't want to see him after a race, too. But I guess I will have to get used to it because he is the face of NASCAR.

I couldn't come up with any lyrics for the next one but the song is by Far East Movement. Instead of singing like a G6 they should sing like a V6. I will always find it amazing when one or two cars are "hooked" up and are able to drive away from the field making everyone else look as though they are driving a V6.

One week it is a Penske Ford and the next it is a Hendrick Chevrolet. The Toyotas haven't been as consistent this year and other teams have had their moments, but on a race to race comparison it has been Penskes or Hendricks. They have proven themselves to be the class of NASCAR this season and I don't see that changing before Homestead.

I listen to every Weird Al Yankovic song. That doesn't mean I can come up with lyrics like he can. I think he is a genius in his own right. Sometime when you get a chance listen closely to his words. They make a lot of sense. Well, they do to me and that should scare you. See you after Watkins Glen!